Growing up, happiness had a formula. Work harder. Get nice things. Be happy.
My brothers and sister lived this map near perfectly, collecting achievements like evidence they were doing life right. And there I was, following the same path, wondering why each milestone felt more like a costume or mask than a celebration.
Too focused on wanting and needing the nice things, always chasing happiness like a drug. That’s how we were raised. The approach was never customized to who we actually were, just handed down like a family recipe nobody questioned.
Everything was already right in front of us, but we were too distracted to see it.
What Nobody Tells You About Your Inner Garden
Most of the beliefs growing in our inner garden weren’t even planted by us.
Think about that for a moment.
The deepest thoughts about success, happiness, worth… they took root before we even knew we had a choice. Our parents planted their fears. Our society sowed its expectations. Our siblings showed us what blooming was supposed to look like.
And we’ve been faithfully watering these inherited seeds ever since, wondering why the garden never quite feels like home.
The belief that more equals better? Someone else planted that. The idea that rest must be earned? That’s not your original thought. The constant comparison, the endless striving? Those are weeds that blew in from other gardens.
A Different Kind of Archaeological Dig
When I started questioning these inherited beliefs, it wasn’t some dramatic awakening. It was quieter than that. Like walking through a familiar room and suddenly noticing all the furniture was chosen by someone else.
Your authentic beliefs feel like breathing. Inherited beliefs feel like holding your breath.
I need to keep up with my siblings’ version of success? Not actually mine. It was planted so early I thought it was native to my soil, but it was always an invasive species that someone else transplanted into my soil.
The programming that said happiness lived in the next purchase, the next achievement? That was cultural conditioning dressed up as wisdom.
I’d been tending someone else’s garden my whole life.
The Clearing
Here’s what emerged when I stopped watering beliefs that weren’t mine:
Space.
Beautiful, terrifying, but freeing space.
Where inherited expectations once grew thick and crowded new ideas from blooming, my own truth could finally sprout: I already have everything I need.
Where family patterns insisted on one path, my own way appeared: Success is peace with who I am.
Where the old beliefs chased external validation, inner knowing took root: Joy grows from the inside out.
The garden that emerged didn’t match my family’s expectations. But every single plant was one I had chosen.
Tonight’s Practice: The Single Question
Before you sleep tonight, ask yourself this:
“What belief/thought did I act on today that doesn’t actually feel true to who I am?”
Don’t overthink it. Don’t judge what surfaces. Just notice.
Maybe it’s the belief that your true value comes from productivity. Maybe it’s the inherited fear that there’s never enough money. Maybe it’s the assumption that struggle equals worthiness.
Notice it. Name it. Then ask: “Would I choose to plant this in my garden today?”
If the answer is no, you’ve just identified something that needs gentle uprooting.
The Multigenerational Truth
Our parents gave us their parents’ gardens, who got them from theirs. A long chain of inherited soil, each generation passing on what they thought would help us survive. But, with each generation, the soil changes.
They couldn’t give what they didn’t have: permission to question, to choose, to plant something entirely different.
The beliefs about working harder, having stuff we enjoy, and chasing external happiness weren’t wrong. They just weren’t customized. They were one-size-fits-all solutions to the deeply personal question of how to live.
What Grows When You Choose
I’m learning that everything we were chasing was already here. Not in the accumulation of things or the awards and paintings we hang on our walls, but in the simple act of choosing which seeds to nurture.
Our inner garden doesn’t need to look like our parents’. Not our siblings’. Not society’s template.
Some inherited seeds might actually suit our soil perfectly. Keep those. But the ones that were never ours? The ones that make us feel less ourselves with each watering?
Let them go back to the earth. They’ll bloom into wisdom, into knowing what we don’t want, which is just as valuable as knowing what we do want.
The most revolutionary act isn’t rebellion. It’s consciousness. Choosing which beliefs to tend to. Deciding what gets to grow in the sacred space of our inner world.
Because once we see which beliefs are truly ours and which are inherited, we can’t unsee it. And once we know, we can begin the gentle work of creating a garden that actually feels like our home.
The Garden That’s Actually Yours
Walk through your inner garden today with fresh eyes. Look at each belief growing there. Think about whether it’s yours or inherited. You don’t have to change anything yet. Just see and acknowledge it.
The inherited seeds will always be part of our story. They brought us here. But they don’t have to determine what grows from now on.
Most importantly, we get to choose what blooms from here.
What will you grow in your garden?
What inherited beliefs do you feel you have you been unconsciously or consciously tending to? I’d love to hear what you’re discovering in your own inner excavation.
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